Things go so great. Everything seems to be coming together. We share good times, we have fun, we laugh, we talk, we share. In an instant its all gone again. One oversight. One forgotten exchange. No deciet meant, but trust lost, again. Everything comes crashing down. My mind thinks of wonderful things for us...and it also forgets something so simple. I mean to tell you, then something comes up and I forget. I have so much on my mind. I wish you could understand. I worry about us. I worry about you. I worry about your health. I worry about the kids. I think about work. I think about what we are planning to do. I think about vacation next year. I think about being next to you. I think about gas prices. I think about photo shoots. I think about holidays. I think about the house, the yard, cars, tires, bills, money, homework, birthdays, bugs, mice, decorations, clothes, baseball, football. All of those thoughts have you in them. Some things I forget to do. Like the tag that's still not on my car. Moving a box you wanted me to. A phone call. I mean to do those things, but sometimes my brain forgets to remind me. I'm sorry. I get upset at myself. I act crazy. I want to do the right thing but when I don't, I get so upset with myself because I know the consequenses. I know it is going to upset you and we are going to be pulled apart from how close we were becoming. It causes you to doubt. It causes you to pull away. And that is the last thing I want. It all comes crashing down. I wouldn't do something on purpose to make this happen. I want us to be close. I want us to be open. I want us to be us, not mine and yours. When something like this happens it kills me. You're not the only one who hurts. It makes me so frustrated to come so far and for this to happen. We have been through so much. I want you to know I will never do anything to deceive you. I will forget things. I'm human. There is no one for me but you. I want you to know that. I would give up everything for you. I would break my back to do everything I could for you. You may have to remind me at times, but I will do everything I can. That's why I get so upset. I know I wil do those things, it's getting you to believe in me that is the difficult part. Malania, I love you. I love you more than anything on earth. I don't want us to crash anymore. I want us to fly.
