Honored

It feels wonderful to wear this ring. It means so much to completely love the woman I wear it for. I love her. I live for her.

Breathtaking In Black

Breathtaking In Black, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I had a wonderful time with you this weekend. spending time with you and the kids, going places, taking photos together, it's all so enjoyable. You truly are breathtaking. Knowing I get to hold your hand, hold you in my arms, spend my life with you, I continue to be the luckiest person on earth.

Loud City

Loud City, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I had a wonderful time with my incredible wife and the little guy Sunday night at the Thunder game. Parker liked the lights and action but he wasn't too thrilled about the noise. I'm glad I got the chance to take my wife to the game. She said she wanted to go to one and I wanted to make that happen. And, she still has a perfect record at professional sporting events. Every home team she has seen play, wins. And, Kevin Durant got his first triple-double of his career that night. She is good luck for home teams. And, wow, you should have seen her that night. My goodness she looked so good. She always does though.
We have a big Friday planned this week. First we are going downtown to the Devon Energy Center to see the decorations and take some pictures, then we are going to Remington Park to see the horses race in the afternoon, then to Bricktown for the lighting of the OKC Christmas Tree. It should be a wonderful day with the family. I can't wait.

More Zoo Fun

More Zoo Fun, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I LOVE YOU!!!

You are so amazing! I love being your husband. I love going to the Zoo with you. I love spending my life with you.

=)

What Does It Feel Like?

What does it feel like to have everything you could ever need? Comforting. Peaceful. Complete.
What does it feel like to know you are completely in love? Wonderful. Scary. Wonderful.
What does it feel like to know that once, everything you did was all she needed, and now nothing you do is right? Terrible. Heartbreaking. Upsetting. Painful.
There was a time I could do no wrong. She loved me so much. She was always there for me. Always open with me. We were perfect together. I still had a lot to learn about being a good husband, being everything for her, but she still loved me with everything she had.
Now, after many mistakes, many disagreements, many arguments, things are different. I am different. I feel I am becoming a good husband. I feel like I can do everything she wants and needs. But is it too late? My life is her and the children. I'm trying to show her that. I'm trying to do everything I can to be there and be the husband and father that I should be. But there is damage. Damage she can't forgive. She says she wants us to work. She says she misses me. It's upsetting that all of the issues we have been through has somewhat changed her and changed her views of me. She is a wonderful woman. She has so much love to give, and believe me, it is a wonderful love. Her love is electrifying. It is magical. Her love makes you believe you can do anything. I felt it. I know it. I've tried to show her what she means to me. I have also done a lot to make her question, make her lose faith. Can that be corrected? I am doing everything I can to show her. I'm not the person she fell in love with. I am better. I see my mistakes. I know not to make them again. Should what I've done wrong be forgotten? No. It should be there to show how far I have come, how much I am willing to do to be everything she needs. I know I can be the person to be by her side. For better or worse, I will continue to see what made me fall in love with her and I will continue to be the person she fell in love with, and more. If it's not enough? I don't know. I was enough. That makes me believe I still can be enough. I will not give up. Giving up, to me, means that none of this matters to me. She matters to me. The children matter to me. Giving up means she doesn't mean that much to me. She does. More than anyone will ever know. Is that enough? I hope so. I was, I still can be. But I don't want to be enough though. I want to be everything. I want to be more than she could ever dream. That is my goal. That is why I am still trying. I'm not going to quit on her. She means too much to me.

Malania, you are my life. You are that once in a lifetime love.

It All Comes Crashing Down

All Smiles, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Things go so great. Everything seems to be coming together. We share good times, we have fun, we laugh, we talk, we share. In an instant its all gone again. One oversight. One forgotten exchange. No deciet meant, but trust lost, again. Everything comes crashing down. My mind thinks of wonderful things for us...and it also forgets something so simple. I mean to tell you, then something comes up and I forget. I have so much on my mind. I wish you could understand. I worry about us. I worry about you. I worry about your health. I worry about the kids. I think about work. I think about what we are planning to do. I think about vacation next year. I think about being next to you. I think about gas prices. I think about photo shoots. I think about holidays. I think about the house, the yard, cars, tires, bills, money, homework, birthdays, bugs, mice, decorations, clothes, baseball, football. All of those thoughts have you in them. Some things I forget to do. Like the tag that's still not on my car. Moving a box you wanted me to. A phone call. I mean to do those things, but sometimes my brain forgets to remind me. I'm sorry. I get upset at myself. I act crazy. I want to do the right thing but when I don't, I get so upset with myself because I know the consequenses. I know it is going to upset you and we are going to be pulled apart from how close we were becoming. It causes you to doubt. It causes you to pull away. And that is the last thing I want. It all comes crashing down. I wouldn't do something on purpose to make this happen. I want us to be close. I want us to be open. I want us to be us, not mine and yours. When something like this happens it kills me. You're not the only one who hurts. It makes me so frustrated to come so far and for this to happen. We have been through so much. I want you to know I will never do anything to deceive you. I will forget things. I'm human. There is no one for me but you. I want you to know that. I would give up everything for you. I would break my back to do everything I could for you. You may have to remind me at times, but I will do everything I can. That's why I get so upset. I know I wil do those things, it's getting you to believe in me that is the difficult part. Malania, I love you. I love you more than anything on earth. I don't want us to crash anymore. I want us to fly.

Photo Shoot I

Photo Shoot I, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I love our family. There is nowhere I would rather be or no one I would rather be with.

A Night Out

Red Devon, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I have so much fun going on photo shoots with you. I never knew I could enjoy doing things with someone so much. you make every little trip so much fun. Being lucky enough to get to spend my life with you is more than anyone could ever dream of. I love you more than anything.

Egg Love

Egg Love, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Thoughts....

...here we are. Us. Together. We have come so far. We have so much farther to go. We have laughed. We have cried. We have travelled. We have shared our lives together. We have welcomed new life. We have stood on top of mountains. We have walked through creeks. We have had adventure. We have fought. We have made up. We have photographed. I know "we" are much stronger than "I". We have chances. We have tomorrows. We have love. We have the future. We have us.

I love you Malania.

Steady

Steady, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Another fun day at the zoo with you. I always have fun when we go places. As long as we are together, anything fun is possible. You brighten my world. I love you so much.

Thank You

Half, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for trying so hard. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being there through rough times. Thank you for being a wonderful mother. Thank you for all the places we go together. Thank you for all the things we do together. Thank you for being the person you are. I love you more than I could ever explain.

Family Fun

Thursday we all went to the Dallas area. We left early in the morning and stopped at the Texas state line for pictures then made our way to Grapevine to go to Legoland at the Grapevine Mills Mall. We had a great time there. The mall is big and there was a lot of walking. We ate at the Rainforest Cafe. Overpriced but interesting. Then we went to Legoland. It is a small place with only a few rides for the kids. My favorite, and Malania's favorite was the mini city. The kids had fun in there riding the rides and seeing everything Lego. After that we stopped for some cupcakes then In-N-Out for dinner before heading home. We drove by the Texas Motor Speedway. I would love to go back and take a tour sometime. I know I'm not a huge NASCAR fan, but I love that my wife is very passionate about it which makes it interesting for me. I love seeing her smile. We made it home late and everyone was tired but we had a really good time. I know I did.

Friday afternoon we decided to drive down to the Chickasaw National Recreation Area in Sulphur. We packed everything up and headed out. We packed everything...not everything made it into the car. That was my fault. I forgot the cooler with our drinks, towels, and the floaties for the kids. I was so excited to be going with them I forgot to put everything in the car. We had fun seeing the waterfalls and letting the kids get wet and splash around. The water was a little chilly but it was a beautiful area. Parker enjoyed being with momma, his favorite place to be. It's so wonderful seeing her with him. She takes such good care of him. He can be a little needy at times but she does so much for him. On our way back we stopped at Braums for milkshakes and ice cream. The kids enjoyed it. We also stopped to take pictures of a windmill. It is so fun to go places with all of them. Sometimes thier moods can be challenging, but, there is nowhere I would rather be. Being a part of something so wonderful makes me feel so good. I know being with them is where I was meant to be. I hope we can have so many more days like those. I love them so much.

Malania started working on a new wreath this weekend. It is going to be a Oklahoma City Thunder basketball theme. She works so hard on her crafts. I know it will turn out great.

We also sent in our entries for the Oklahoma City Zoo calendar photo contest. Hopefully one or more of hers will be chosen. She loves the zoo. I love being able to experience it with her and the children.

Bad Day

Today is not going so good. Work is pushing me to the edge. I can't think anymore. Last night ended badly. I wish things were different. I wish I felt the comfort I felt before. I knew I always had you next to me, to be there for me when my days were rough. I could always come home and hold you and everything would be right. I want that back so bad. Coming home to you and having you happy to see me, knowing that you missed me while I was gone, was the best feeling. I wish you knew how much I miss that. I wish you knew how much I miss you. We were inseperable. We burned so hot. My feelings for you haven't changed. You are still all I could ever want. There is no way I could think about spending my time and my life with anyone but you. I love you more than I could ever explain, and that itself is the problem. There are no words for how I feel about you. I have tried to tell you many times but everything I say cannot compare to what I truly feel for you. Sometimes I want to rip out my heart and give it to you so you know it is yours. I want you to climb inside my brain and see that there is only you in there. Everything I am is you. Right now, I just want to walk out of work and come home to you but I know you won't be happy to see me. So, I have to struggle through my work day and hope that you will miss me. God, this can't happen. I feel so empty without you. I love you so much.

Us

Sunset, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU.

Breathtaking

Eyes And Hair, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I know I haven't shown it as well as I should, but I love you. I love you so much. My every thought has you in it. Every breath I take is for you. Every part of me tells me you are the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You are the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful, incredible, sexy, creative, awesome, perfect woman in the world. No one compares to you. No one comes close. I could never look at another or want to be with another. You have made that impossible for me. I completely love you Malania. You really are my dream come true.

Eyes That Melt

Eyes That Melt, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

When I look in your eyes I completely melt. You cast a spell on me. I see the love and devotion in your eyes. When I stare at you it's because I can't believe how beautiful you are.

Smile

Smile, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

God I want to make you smile again. My heart belongs to you. My life is yours. I would do anything to make you happy. You mean everything to me. Nothing I can do will take away your hurt but I will not stop being there for you, caring about you, wanting you and loving you with all of my heart. You will never have to worry about me wanting another. There is no one better than you.

Love Means...

Fifty Shades Of Grey, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

When I say I love you, I mean it. Feeling what I feel for you, I have no doubt that my feelings are true. When I say I want you, it means I "want" you. In every way. To hold, to touch, to share my life with, to help, to comfort, to cherish, everything. I want it all with you. You are one of a kind. You are a gift. You are everything I could ever hope or dream for. I love you so much.

Nothing As Beautiful...

Nothing As Beautiful..., a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I know we have bad days and good ones, just like everyone else, but it's times like this that make it all worth it. Being with you anywhere is a dream for me. As long as we are together doing whatever, my life couldn't be any better.

I See You

I See You, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I had so much fun with you on our trip last year. You are the best partner I could ever imagine. Seeing places with you is the most fun.

The Gun Show

The Gun Show, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

You are so much fun to be with. Every day is a new adventure. You make my life worth living. Every day I love you more than the last. I love falling asleep next to you and I love seeing you first thing whaen I wake up.

Heart

Shade Dog, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

You are the sweetest, most loving, wonderful and amazing woman. You put your heart into everything. A great cook, crafter, photographer, mom, wife...there's nothing you can't do. I love you so much!

Zoo Fun

Zoo Fun, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I drive 45 minutes to work because I have to. I drive 45 minutes home because I want to. Being with you is the most wonderful feeling. Holding you in my arms is like holding an angel. You are perfect to me. You always will be. You are my light. You are my strength. You are my best friend. You are everything to me.

Standin' On A Corner...

Standin' On A Corner..., a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I dedicate my life to you. Without you, I am nothing. You have made me what I am today. I am a much better person with you in my life. So much better than I was a few years ago and so much better than I was yesterday. Every day I am with you I will continue to become the man I was supposed to be. Your husband. Completely devoted. Completely yours. My life and everything I am is yours. I am completely in love with you Malania.

Us

Us, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I wish you could understand the pain I feel when I am away from you at work. It drives me crazy. There is nowhere I would rather be than holding you. From the moment I walk out the door in the mornings all I can think about is getting back home to you, to see your smile, to feel you next to me, to hear your voice. Being away from you is the hardest part of my days. You are always on my mind. Sometimes it is hard to do anything else because all I can think of is you. I want to make you happier than you have ever been. I want you to want me home with you as much as I want to be there with you. You truly are my world. How could you not be?

Contemplation

Contemplation, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I know I have done things wrong. I know I haven't been the husband you thought I could be. You believed in me. That is why I love you so much. You were always there for me. When I was at my lowest, you were there. You always had open arms for me. My arms will always be open for you. My heart will always be yours. My love for you only grows stronger every day. I can be the husband of your dreams. I know I will do what ever it takes to make your dreams come true. I won't quit on you. I won't quit on us. Ever. I believe in us too much. I made the mistake of not trusting in your feelings. I love you so much, so much more than I could ever explain to you. I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that what I feel is real.

Engaged

Engaged, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

May 7, 2011. The day we were engaged. Before that, I already felt I had found my true love, my best friend. There is no one like you, Malania.

Love

Us III, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

The only thing grand in this world is you.

Getting The Shot

Getting The Shot, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

A vision of perfection. Nothing in front of the lens can match the beauty of what is behind it.

My Best Friend

Us IV, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

The greatest companion I could ever dream of. I hope we have many more great adventures together.

Above The Colorado

Above The Colorado, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Nothing on earth is as beautiful as you, Malania.

Talimena Beauty

Talimena Beauty, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Always looking for beauty in everything. I never have to look, I know real beauty is you.

Creation

Creation, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

April 30, 2011. The day our little miracle was created. Such a wonderful day.

Zoo Smiles.

Zoo Smiles., a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

Going places with you is the most fun I have ever had in my life.

Parker and Mom

Parker and Mom, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

You make my life complete. You gave me so many gifts, your love, a family, a wonderful son and step-children. I couldn't want more.

My Love

So Hot, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

She is every dream come true.