The Truth

You gave me hope. 

You gave me a love I have never felt. 

You gave me dreams. 

You gave me inspiration. 

You gave me a new future. 

Hope. You believed in me. You knew I was a good person behind all my past insecurities. You trusted me to be a good husband and father. I failed. 

Love. The love I felt and still feel for you cannot ever be explained in words. It was never about how you looked. It was and is about the person you are. You are the most unique and unbelievable woman. Your heart is pure. Your values are angelic. The way you live your life should be a rule book for everyone else. You give. You struggle. You have setbacks and times where things don't go your way. But you still give. You still try your hardest. You made me feel on top of the world with you. You would think sometimes that I was comparing you to others. Not a chance. There is no comparing you to anything. You are the pinnacle. You are a blessing. Nothing was impossible as long as we worked together. Those reasons, your heart, that is why I love you more than life itself. It's who you are, it always has been. 

Dreams. When we would talk about future ideas and plans, it made me feel so good. Planning things with you was incredible. A home. A family. Parties. Decorating. Trips. Meals. Everything. Listening to your ideas, your hopes and dreams, I wanted so much to help you make them come true. You are brilliant. You are imaginative. You have drive. You are what everyone should be like. But they aren't. That is what makes you so much better than anyone else. No one could ever compare to you. 

Inspiration. You helped me see that the life I was living was not the life intended for me. You inspired me to be better. To focus my priorities on what is important in life. Family. Nothing else matters. It shouldn't. Be there for your family, the ones you love most. If there are problems, talk them out, don't run away from them. Sure, we had plenty of setbacks, plenty of unexpected issues arise, unexpected financial setbacks...but we always got through them. We had to sacrifice things sometimes, but we got through them by working together. Why and how? Because when we work together to solve a problem, we do. We are better together than apart. You inspired me to try. Many things I had never done before, you calmed my doubts. Whether it was trying crab, your awesome green bean casserole or replacing a faucet, I knew I could do it with your support. You bring out in me what I thought I could never do.

Future. Our future was heading in the right direction. I had seen the errors of my ways and was focused on being the best for you and the kids. It took far too long to get the wrong way to do things out of me, but with you by my side, it became possible. The bad was still there, but in the past, still haunting you. Every turn, every unfortunate event, it all came back to my mistakes. As well it should. I caused your doubt. My past actions made you think only the worst of me. My poor judgement in the past. My broken promises. But that was the past. Our future was to get better. It had to. Sure there would be financial struggles, emotional struggles. But we had gotten through them before, and we could again. This time without the lies, without the broken promises. I had changed. 

Things the way they were. No. Lies? No. Broken promises? No. Loneliness? No. Showing you nothing would stop me from doing everything I can for you? Yes. Being there for you and the kids? Yes. Being the father and companion I was supposed to be? Yes. Giving you support in all of your ideas and creations? Yes. Standing by your side when everyone else turns their back on you? YES. Showing you the love and compassion that you deserve? YES. 

I never wanted to change you. You were perfect when I met you and you are still perfect. A name doesn't change who you are, but it's not something to fight over either. When we met, you were the sweetest, most loving, most giving woman and mother, and I would never want to change that. It's who you are. It's why I love you. 

My promises mean something to me now. My word to you is something I will never go back on. I will be there for you. I will be there for the children. I will give all my effort for you and them. I will care for you and them, protect you and cherish you, until my time on earth is over. And I will love you with everything I am for as long as I live. Those things I promise you and will never, ever break. 

You are a great woman. You are capable of anything you put your mind and heart into. You can achieve so much. By your side, I wanted to see it happen, to help you any way I could. By your side. That was my dream. 

From My Heart

  

Never, ever, lie to the one you love more than life itself. It's just not worth it. Ever. Not a little lie. Not a big lie. Don't. Even if you think what you are doing is trying to keep your relationship together, don't. It will tear it apart. To love someone, truly love someone, that once in a lifetime love, a love that consumes you, and to not be able to spend your life with them...is hell. Complete hell. All you want to do is go home and hold her and tell her everything is going to be ok, but you can't. Losing that, and the pure joy of six wonderful children, is hell. Always tell her the truth. Even if it makes things bad for a little bit, at least she still trusts in you to be honest with her. I know these things as a fact, because I am the one in hell. 

Romeo who?

Tragedy

   They say Romeo and Juliet is a tragic love story. Maybe. I have a story that makes Romeo and Juliet look like scribble. 

   My story involves two people, who are so right for each other, have so many common interests, have fun together, were so in love with each other and couldn't get enough of each other. Sounds great doesn't it? It was. 

   They had it all. All the love you could imagine. Passion. Happiness. Companionship. They met at a time in each other's lives that was rough for them both. But there was a connection. A bond. It was fate. It was like something brought them together for a reason. It was supposed to last forever. A love like that should. But it didn't.

   They did everything together. Cooking. Cleaning. Photography. Creating. Movies. Dinners. Going places. Walking. Talking. Shopping. Enjoying time with the kids. They were inseparable. 

   Let's get married. What a wonderful thing to hear from the one you wanted to spend your life with. They started planning a wedding. She wanted a beautiful wedding, and He was going to do everything he could to make that happen. He wanted her dream to come true. He wanted to be her Prince Charming. She was his Cinderella, and still is. But the wedding never happened. Heartbreak for her, and for him. He wanted to stand next to her, on her day, and proclaim his undying love for her in front of family and friends. Her dream wedding turned into a small ceremony. 

   I'm pregnant. Words some people would freak out about. Not him. He knew she was the one to make him a father. She was already a wonderful mother to her five children. Great kids, all of them. A joy to be around, and having another with her would be a dream come true. She was magnificent through the pregnancy. So strong. So beautiful. Even through the tough parts, she was unbreakable. Him on the other hand, he made so many mistakes. He argued over names. He would get so upset over things he would walk out on her. Thinking he was just letting things calm down, not wanting to fight with her, what he was doing was wrong. He was making her feel lonely. Something you should never do to the one you love so much.

   Then there were the lies. Promises broken. Never lie to the one who is your world. Not even a small one. Every lie is bad. These weren't infidelity lies. They weren't lies about his feelings for her. But he promised not to do the things she asked him not to do. He broke that promise. He promised not to walk out anymore. He broke that promise. He broke her heart. Never did he intend to, but he did. 

   She stuck with him. She had faith that he could be better. She believed in him. The baby came. What a wonderful night/morning that was. She was so strong. She fought so hard to keep him during the pregnancy, and when it was time to deliver, she did. She was awesome. A beautiful baby boy. Holding her hand through it all, he was on top of the world. But still, the lies and broken promises were there. Every time things would get tough and they would argue...promises broken. He just didn't want to fight with her. She was an angel to him, and you don't fight with angels. But you don't break promises to them either. 

   A week away. Things happened. Misunderstood words. An event caused them to be apart for a week. He was devastated that he couldn't just go home and be with her. She struggled. She doubted. But she stayed strong. She visited. She was wonderful. It was hard on her but she had faith. She waited for him. When he came home, it was supposed to be a new beginning. Things had to change. He had to be better. And he was...until more arguments made him break his promise again and walk out. God he hated fighting with her. She is a wonderful woman and arguing with her killed him. They made it through to Christmas, but things were different. The closeness they shared was fading. The damage was taking its toll. 

   02/14/13. Divorce filed. Crushing. Heartbreaking. Two people who were destined to find each other and make each other's lives wonderful, now falling apart. They struggled through the year, having great moments, and not so great moments. An amazing family vacation. One you hope to recreate every year together. Fun times together throughout the year. But, the damage from the past still weighing on her mind, causing her doubt about her feelings for him. Until...

   11/12/13. When trying to pick a wedding date, they tried so hard to have a catchy date. Unfortunately, the catchy date was the date the divorce was final. Two hearts, two souls, so in love, so wonderful together, broken apart. They stayed together for a while after. Him, trying so hard to show her what being together with her meant to him. Effort that should have come years earlier. Talk of starting over slow. But she wanted her space to figure things out. Her, being his world, his life, not knowing anything else but her, it was difficult to give that space. He didn't want her to forget him, not forget all the wonderful moments they had together. Those moments were not lies, they were the real thing. It was hard for him to go because he wanted to be there for her, for whatever she needed. He wanted to protect her, to help her, show his love for her. But it was upsetting her. 

   Now, they are apart. Tragic. Two people who work well together, who help each other. Two people who are better together than apart, are apart. It kills him not to see her and the kids like before. All he wants is time with them. Time he wasted being stupid before. He will always love her with all his heart. He will always be there for her, like he should have been the whole time. She is still his world. She is still the most amazing woman on earth to him. He will always be hers. 

   That is my story. Completely tragic. So many mistakes. Never should you lie to the one you love. Never should you break promises to the one who holds your heart, and who's heart you hold. And never should you make the one you love feel lonely, ever. If you think what you are doing is trying to help, it's not. Be there for them. Communicate with them. Show them what life with them means to you.

It means everything. 

Art Links

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Malania...

If I should die before I wake
It's cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, It's incomplete
If there was a way that I could make you understand

But how do you expect me to live alone with just me?
Cause my world revolves around you, it's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air

Honored

It feels wonderful to wear this ring. It means so much to completely love the woman I wear it for. I love her. I live for her.

Breathtaking In Black

Breathtaking In Black, a photo by iLoveMalania on Flickr.

I had a wonderful time with you this weekend. spending time with you and the kids, going places, taking photos together, it's all so enjoyable. You truly are breathtaking. Knowing I get to hold your hand, hold you in my arms, spend my life with you, I continue to be the luckiest person on earth.