Confused Again

How many times did I call you perfect? Do you remember? You should. So many times it got to you. "No I'm not". That's what you would say. Of course, nobody is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, their little insecurities, issues, etc. 

But you were perfect, to me. Because of the way you made me feel. They way you did things. The way you tried. Your effort. Your heart. Your voice. Your smile. I tried and tried to make you believe that you are irreplaceable to me. You are. 

Because you are perfect. To me. And I do love you, still. With all of my heart. Even after all of this. I do. Always. 

True Love

True love, complete, total, pure, undying, unconditional love, doesn't just stop. I still love you with all of my heart. I always will. Love hurts sometimes. Love is worry. Love is beautiful. Love is emotion. Love is kind. Love is harsh. But if it's real, it will always be there. It's real for me. Sure, lies hurt. Sure, broken promises hurt. Everyone lies. Everyone breaks promises. We are human. We make mistakes. It's the substance of the lies and broken promises that matter. Were they done to hurt you intentionally? Or were they done trying to help and fix problems?

I'm still here, trying to fix problems. I promised I would be. I tried. I waited. I pleaded. I begged. It didn't have to be this way. It could have been stopped. 

Always And Forever

"If you really love her, you wont hurt her". 

I did really love you. And I still do. People do things and hurt others doing it. Were they trying to? No. You have to look at what they did to hurt you. I lied and broke promises. But what I was doing was trying to help us. It was the wrong thing to do, but I was just trying to help. Walking out was to not fight. Cool off. Think. Was I wrong to lie and break promises about them? Yes. But I did those things with good intentions. Not to hurt you. You have lied and broke promises too. But I was always willing to forgive you and see past it and continue working on "us". 

"Real love stories never have endings."

Ours shouldn't have either. If it was real love. My love for you is real. Why? Because it's still there. Stronger than ever. I will always be in love with you. No matter what. You are my Cinderella. 

"I gave you my heart but it was never enough."

Yes it was. You were enough. Even at the end, being with you was enough. I knew you had other people to talk to and want to meet, but just being with you was enough. Sure it hurt knowing that. But I wasn't going to give up trying. You mean too much to me. That's the truth. 

I told you that you were everything. You would always be my only true love for the rest of my life. You will always have my heart. You will always have me. 

You do. You have all of me forever. No one is getting into my heart ever again. It is protected...

...by your memory. By the most heavenly name on earth, yours. 

And That's It

Attorneys

Courtrooms

Fighting

Arguing

Pain

Hurt

It wasn't supposed to be like this. 

I didn't want this. 

We were supposed to show Parker and the other kids we could still do things together. Like it has been since the divorce. Like it was the nine months between filing and hearing. Like it was the months after. All those things we did together. Baseball games, Redhawks and the kids. Tennis. Disney. Photo trips. Shopping. Turner Falls. Breakfasts, lunches, dinners. Together. That's how it was supposed to be. Because we did good things together, as a "family". 

I'm so sorry. 

10 AM

This is it. Last hour for reconciliation. Last chance to work this out ourselves. At ten, the retainer is paid and it's out of my hands. I had hoped we could do this ourselves. 

Still In Disbelief

It was supposed to work. We had so much potential. We had everything in front of us. We were great together. So much in common. How could it fall apart so badly? If you could just remember our good times. So many more good times than bad. God. And now, chaos. Destruction. 

But you will always be a part of me. 

Always in my heart, and over it. 

I think you know what I mean. That "something" I didn't get the chance to tell you. 

It Starts

I didn't want this to happen. I'm scared of what will come of all of this. But, it's not me I'm scared for. I tried to talk to you about this. We could have avoided all of this. It is very hard for me. Why? I love you.  I'm still in love with you. I know you have problems but I was willing to deal with it because our good days were awesome. They were. Trust me. We were incredible when things were good. And there were so many more good days than bad. I'm sorry you couldn't see that. When you truly love someone, you see through the bad and focus on the good. At least that's how I think. 

So, remember...you wanted this. 

I didn't.