What does it feel like to know you are completely in love? Wonderful. Scary. Wonderful.
What does it feel like to know that once, everything you did was all she needed, and now nothing you do is right? Terrible. Heartbreaking. Upsetting. Painful.
There was a time I could do no wrong. She loved me so much. She was always there for me. Always open with me. We were perfect together. I still had a lot to learn about being a good husband, being everything for her, but she still loved me with everything she had.
Now, after many mistakes, many disagreements, many arguments, things are different. I am different. I feel I am becoming a good husband. I feel like I can do everything she wants and needs. But is it too late? My life is her and the children. I'm trying to show her that. I'm trying to do everything I can to be there and be the husband and father that I should be. But there is damage. Damage she can't forgive. She says she wants us to work. She says she misses me. It's upsetting that all of the issues we have been through has somewhat changed her and changed her views of me. She is a wonderful woman. She has so much love to give, and believe me, it is a wonderful love. Her love is electrifying. It is magical. Her love makes you believe you can do anything. I felt it. I know it. I've tried to show her what she means to me. I have also done a lot to make her question, make her lose faith. Can that be corrected? I am doing everything I can to show her. I'm not the person she fell in love with. I am better. I see my mistakes. I know not to make them again. Should what I've done wrong be forgotten? No. It should be there to show how far I have come, how much I am willing to do to be everything she needs. I know I can be the person to be by her side. For better or worse, I will continue to see what made me fall in love with her and I will continue to be the person she fell in love with, and more. If it's not enough? I don't know. I was enough. That makes me believe I still can be enough. I will not give up. Giving up, to me, means that none of this matters to me. She matters to me. The children matter to me. Giving up means she doesn't mean that much to me. She does. More than anyone will ever know. Is that enough? I hope so. I was, I still can be. But I don't want to be enough though. I want to be everything. I want to be more than she could ever dream. That is my goal. That is why I am still trying. I'm not going to quit on her. She means too much to me.
Malania, you are my life. You are that once in a lifetime love.
No comments:
Post a Comment