Promise

I've broken a lot. And by doing that I lost your trust. I've been doing everything I can to show you that you can trust me. My promises I will keep to you. I can't and won't lie to you again. I value what time we do spend together too much to give what's left up by breaking another promise. I try to do things to help you. To make your life a little easier. I am always here for you, for anything. Please don't get so upset when I haven't done something yet. I will. I won't lie to you. 

I made a promise to you. I know what that means now. 

If I Could Turn Back Time...

...to the day we first met. Seeing you come around the corner, your smile, your eyes, your hair. Heavenly. Your voice so sweet. Your laugh infectious. I close my eyes and remember it like it was yesterday. If I could go back, everything would be perfect, like it was. I would know how to talk to you. I would know how to react to situations. I would know how to be the boyfriend, fiancé, and husband you deserve. I would still be your Prince Charming. I would change so much. But, given the chance, I would never turn around and walk away. You are God's gift to this earth. You are the one. I love you more now than I did then, and I will love you more tomorrow than today....

...and I would take a step back before picking you up. 

I love you Malania. I always will. 

Wandering

I dreamed of you last night. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other. We found each other in the dark.

Remember

I wish, for a moment, she would sit down, and think. Think about all the fun times. All the smiles. All the laughs. All the close moments shared together. The trips. The cuddling. Holding hands. Working together. All the good. 

Yes, there were bad times. Everyone has them. There were quite a bit. But much more good than bad. Those good times were real. They were genuine. Two people who enjoyed the company of each other. He loved being with her, and she loved being with him. That wasn't a lie. That was real. 

There were lies. There was deception. There were broken promises. Not because he didn't love her. Not because he wanted to hurt her. Not because he didn't want to be with her. All of it was there because he was so scared of fighting with her. So scared of losing her. All he had to do was listen to her. Trust her that things would be ok. 

A name. His past. Jesus. What does a name matter? As long as two people who love each other are together, shouldn't that be all that mattered? His past. It bothered her so much. Whether he loved her as much as others before. More. More than he had ever loved anyone, ever. What he felt, and still feels, cannot be measured. It is pure, complete, comforting love. He knew she could never be replaced. She won't. His past. She was protecting herself and the children every time she brought it up to him. She wanted to be sure he was a better person than he was before her. He is. But he would get so upset. He didn't want her comparing herself to anyone. It's not possible. There is no comparing an angel to anything. He tried to reassure her, but it was tough. 

Please just think. Think of the good times, without all the bad. Please. There were so many good times, great times. Please remember. 

Always

"Be with someone who wont stay angry with you, who can't stand not talking to you, and who's afraid of losing you."

I could never stay angry with you. You mean too much to me. Not talking like we used to hurts. I love hearing from you. How your day is going. What you are working on. How the kids are. How you are feeling. Everything. I was always afraid of losing you. That's why I tried anything. What I didn't try was the right thing. Listening. Supporting. 

I love you. More than you could ever imagine. 

Unconditional Parental Love???

Mothers are supposed to love their daughters. Fathers are supposed to give everything they have for their daughters. The ones I speak of do, just to the wrong one.

You have never seen someone give so much as she does. No one cares more about her kids than this woman. She will help just about anyone when they have a problem. She has a heart of gold. She gives and gives and gives. She has earned respect. But yet, she gets shit on. 

Her sister, well, let me just say, is the complete opposite of her. Always taking, always asking for handouts, fooling everyone into thinking she is a great mother, a good person. Wrong! Never have I seen someone use so many people to get what she wants. She asks, she gets from mother and father. Anything. Everything. ASAP. 

On the other hand, the angel, the miracle on earth gets this...

"I'll be by to help you". Seven months later, nothing. "We'll bring it by soon". Two months later, nothing. "We can't make it to your sons birthday party, we have to go get a saw". And the two worst, "You were a mistake. I should have had an abortion", and when something vital for her and the kids well being needed to be replaced in the house, "You might try dating someone who can help you with that". Are you fucking kidding me???? 

I made the huge mistake a few years ago of thinking her parents loved her and would do anything for her. I was wrong. Dead wrong. They care more about a self centered user than the most beautiful heart and soul God could have ever put on this earth. It's sickening. It breaks my heart. 

I had the chance to be her everything. I let it all slip away. I hate myself even more every time I hear things like that, because I was supposed to be her support. That is why I have promised her to do everything I can for her. To stand by her through anything. To listen. To help. I will not let her down anymore. Too many people have, including me. 

For You

Devotion

Promise

Compassion

Support

Love

You are the greatest woman. You deserve the best. Someone who is there for you and the kids. Someone who won't put others ahead of you or judge you. Someone who won't question your ideas. Someone who will support your dreams. Someone who will stand by your side through anything. Someone who loves you more than anything. Someone who knows your goals, wants, needs. 

That person is me.