Reasons Pt. 7

"Compromising is an essential part of life - for everything from getting promoted at work to having a successful marriage. You can't always get your way, but you should be able to discuss your needs and desires. And your spouse should be able to discuss his or hers. Then, together, you must find ways to negotiate and reach a middle ground that satisfies both of you. If you can't do this, you or your partner (or worse, both of you) will start to build resentment. This will serve as a poison that could kill your marriage."

A big one. Compromise. We butted heads so many times. My past. I shouldn't have gotten so upset when you questioned. I should have sat you down, as many times as it took, and reassured you that you were my new beginning. You were my life and I didn't need anything else. Names. Instead of arguing and fighting over names, we should have sat down and talked. Looking back, it was a non-issue. A name doesn't make a marriage. Being together does. The name of a child shouldn't matter. He is still our son. Without those two issues, the broken promises and walking out would never have happened. 

Reasons Pt. 6

"The way you fight with one another can set the tone for your marriage. Listen, there's no way you can avoid fighting. You're going to disagree, and you're going to have to confront one another about it. It's actually part of a healthy marriage. But it won't be healthy at all if you are the kind of fighter who smacks your partner or calls him or her names. You have to learn to fight fairly in marriage just as you did on the playground in elementary school. Be a grown up and communicate without the low blows."

First, I would never lay a hand on you to hurt you. Ever. Second, I would never say anything negative about you or call you something you aren't. There were times you misunderstood what I was trying to say and you thought I was saying something mean or bad to you. I could never. You were my angel. I would always try and encourage you and remind you what a wonderful mother, an incredible wife, and just an all around beautiful person you are. I wasn't going to beat you down with names, I couldn't. You're too sweet for that. 

Reasons Pt. 5

"While you must make time to spend together, you also need some time to yourself. Loving and caring for yourself - from reading a favorite book to taking a walk to the store - allows you the chance to clear your mind and miss your spouse. If you are always together, you'll eventually smother one another. Plus, having separate hobbies, interests, or activities, gives you interesting things to discuss with one another once you are together again."

I hated leaving you and going to work. I missed you so much. At first, you missed me too. I remember coming home from work and when I would get close I would text you Kickapoooooo! You would reply yay!!! I loved that. I loved knowing you were excited to see me. The times we would argue or fight, I would leave. Not to abandon you, but to create space, a cool off period to think, so we didn't scream at each other. A time to figure out why we were arguing. It wasn't to make you feel lonely. I hated being away from you. If I knew the damage it was causing, God, if I only knew. 

Reasons Pt. 4

"Your in-laws probably stink. They make your life difficult and your marriage harder than it probably has to be. They are annoying and maybe even a little crazy. We get it. We've all been there. But talking badly about them or complaining about them to your spouse only hurts his or her feelings and does not resolve any issues. Vent to other people - from a therapist to your mom, but keep your spouse out of it. Be kind to your in-laws and when in-law issues come up that you must address with your spouse, remain calm and diplomatic. Period."

Big issue for us. In-laws. At first, things were good. I met your parents, you met mine. I know my parents loved you. They thought you were sweet, wonderful, strong, just a great woman. I'm not sure what your parents thought of me. I hoped they liked me. From what I saw of them in the beginning, they seemed like they cared about you. They would come help when you needed it. They were there for birthdays, inviting us out. Everything seemed normal. Then you told me your experiences. I was disgusted about the things you would say. I believed you. You wouldn't lie about things like that. I made the mistake, as said earlier, of thinking they cared. That's why I went to them for help. And like I said earlier, huge mistake. As time went on and other issues(sister) arose, I saw their true colors, all the things you told me, I saw. 

My parents. I made the mistake of not being open with them. They care about us. The care about the kids. Yes, they should have called you more to see how you were doing. They should have been more active in our lives, not just calling me, but trying to keep in touch with you too. They should have showed you more what you mean to them. They believed in us enough to help us buy a house. I'm sorry they didn't show you enough how much having you as a part of family meant to them. 

Reasons Pt. 3

"Few situations erode a marriage quite like infidelity or cheating. There's a simple solution. Only marry someone if you plan to be faithful forever. Then, be faithful. Don't cheat. Don't lie about relationships with other people. If somewhere down the road, you want to develop a relationship, kiss, or just have sex with someone other than your spouse, then be honest, tell your spouse before you do anything, and leave the marriage before you cheat. Cheating will only lead to mistrust, arguments, and an uphill battle to winning your marriage back. There's a good chance you won't win your marriage back and it will simply end because of your cheating. You'll have no one to blame but yourself."

This is one thing you never had to worry about with me. There was no way I would ever think of being with anyone else but you. You were everything I could ever hope for. You were the one. I did make the mistake of going to others when we had problems. I know you think it was some kind of relationship. It wasn't. Obviously. There were no feelings, I was looking for solutions, answers, trying to find a way to help us. No matter the intentions, it was wrong. All I needed was you. 

Reasons Pt. 2

"Money is a big trigger for fights in marriages. But you'll probably find that if you have money - enough to pay bills, have a little fun, and live reasonably well - you'll probably fight less. When one of you wants to overspend, especially with money you don't have, or gets into debt that you can't pay off, then you'll start to argue big time. Making money, which means bringing in revenue and not just spending like crazy, will go a long way to help you and your spouse stop the money fights."

We both always worried about money. I know you did a lot. So did I. No, we weren't rich. We struggled. But we always seemed to have enough to take care of things. We didn't have the best of everything, but we had the things we needed. We would have our arguments over money, but things would work out. We would find a way. I would always try and calm you down when it was an issue. You would say we were poor. We weren't. We had so much to be thankful for, and that's not being poor. 

Reasons Pt. 1

"When you're dating, you literally schedule fun time with one another (until and unless you move in together). Fun should not just stop because you got married. In fact, the fun should increase. There are no excuses. Now, you're together all the time, so you should be able to have more moments of spontaneity, as well as scheduled fun. Have date nights, make nights at home special with candlelit dinners or movies and popcorn, and simply relish in each other's arms."

We would do that. We would plan things to do together that we enjoyed. Going to the zoo. Watching tv together. Dinner dates. Photography. Watching baseball. Cuddle time. Our vacation together. We made time to spend together. Having a baby puts a strain on all of that. I understood things would change, we would lose that "us" time we had. The fact that he was, and isn't, the greatest sleeper also hurt us. We couldn't do those things that we used to anymore. There was always the worry of him falling asleep on the way home if we went and did things we used to do, then not sleeping at all at night. I tried to come up with ideas of things we could do to continue the fun we would have, and you did too, but it was difficult.