I Loved

I loved you. I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone or anything. I loved you so much, you became my life. Never, has anyone been my life. I never felt what I felt with you. I have never given so much of myself to anyone as I gave to you. I was never scared of losing someone so much as I was you. In my heart, you were my forever. I loved you when you were happy. I loved you when you were sad. I loved you when you were mad at me. I loved you when you thought no one else did. 

I loved you. I loved you so much. I'm sorry I didn't show it all the time. But I did. With all of my heart. 

And I still do. 

From My Heart

I will always fight for you. I compromised with you about a lot. Sometimes it took longer than it should have, but I always tried to make you happy. I would sacrifice anything for you. Anything. 

I miss you. God I miss you. I always did and I still do. No matter where I was, and for how long, I missed you. A few minutes, a few hours, and now...I've always missed you. 

I believed in us. We were so good together. I knew we could make it through anything. You said it too. "Together, we can make it through anything". I never have up on us. I still haven't. 

I wanted forever with you. I still do. I always wanted to be there for you. Sometimes I wasn't and I regret every second. I never wanted to leave you, for anything. And I don't want to live without you. Being with you has shown me a piece of heaven. 

The Rough

It's so hard not hearing from you. I miss that so much. I hope after all of this, we can communicate again. I'm not sure if it will happen, but I want to so bad. I hate this. I hate where we are. I didn't want this. It's killing me. Literally. 

You are so special to me. You always will be. I hope someday you remember how I once made you smile. You are a beautiful person. 

Commitment

I committed to you. December 2010. To always be yours. All of me. My body. My heart. My soul. To always love you. To never want another. To always care for you. To always fight for you. To give my life for you. 

I committed. Nothing has changed. 

It never will. 

You

So Many Tears

Yes, I cried. So many times. Good tears and bad ones. When I thought about what it was like being with you, holding you, feeling your love, just knowing I was where I was supposed to be, that my life had meaning, that I was with the most amazing woman, I cried. Those tears, those were good ones. When Parker was born. Watching you. Holding you during the delivery. Seeing you deliver our son. Your strength. Your love. Good tears. 

Our fights. Seeing the pain in your eyes. Hearing it in your voice. Bad tears. Hearing you say I'm not good enough. Wanting a divorce. Your broken heart. Your surgeries. Your struggle. Bad tears. Missing you. Wanting you. Needing you. Still loving you. Bad tears. 

I cried during the good times. I cried during the bad. The emotions I feel for you, I have never felt. I tried to explain to you what being with you felt like and meant to me.

It meant everything. 

 

I Know

I know you think I didn't care. I always did. I cared so much. I knew you hurt. I knew you were always in pain. You hid it well sometimes. Sometimes I could just look at you and see. I always wanted to help you. I hated knowing that you lived with so much discomfort. I wanted to fix you. I wanted you better. You have a beautiful stomach. But all that pain inside it was crushing for me. That's why I would always kiss your tummy, or when I held you from behind, I wanted my hands on your tummy. I wanted you to know that I knew. I always knew. That was my way of showing you I won't forget what you are going through. You are too beautiful and too wonderful to be in so much pain. 

I always knew. I always wanted to help.