Please

Please try and remember our good times. They were real. Just stop thinking about the bad for a little bit and think of all the fun times we had together. How happy you were. Your April fools joke that turned out later to not be a joke. I was never worried. I knew you were the right one to have a child with and I was so excited and happy that we created something so wonderful. Remember, please. How much you loved cuddling with me. God I loved it. Holding you was the best. Just please remember those moments. Because that was the real us. 

I love you Malania. I always will. 

Silence

I'm trying hard not to annoy you. I don't want you mad at me. I don't want you to hate me. But if you don't hear from me, don't think for one second I'm not thinking of you. You are my life. You are my world. I would be there for you in an instant. I will talk to you whenever you want to talk. I won't let you down. I won't give up on you. You mean too much to me. I love you more than there are stars in the sky, sand on a beach, water in the ocean. 

Day Of Birth

Today is my birthday. It's supposed to be a happy day. It's not. Happy would be spending time with the woman and kids I love so much. The birthday cookie and dinner tradition she has. It was wonderful. Last year, it happened a week after the divorce was filed. There was no cookie, no dinner out. We ate at home. But I was home. With them. She apologized for not having a gift. She did though. Having dinner with them, being there with them, that was the gift. The best gift. Sitting at the dinner table with the most wonderful woman and children was more than I could ever want. My world. God I want that back. I wish she knew what it all meant to me. I wish she knew how much I appreciated everything she did. I wish I could have shown her more. 

Mistake

I hope you will see that I wasn't a mistake. We did lots of great things together. Yes, I made mistakes. But I'm not a bad person. I'm not a creep. I'm not a deadbeat. I am a man who loves you so much, so much that I did things I shouldn't have. It was all to try and help. It didn't. Lying doesn't help. Making you feel lonely doesn't help. Sure I would get mad and upset at you at times. The things you would say about me hurt. I was not the person I used to be. I knew how special you were and I wanted to be special for you. I could never stay mad at you though. You melt me. I hope you see how heartbroken I am that I hurt your beautiful heart and soul. I will always try to make it up to you, because you deserve it. You deserve my best efforts, my honesty, my all. Mistake is a bad word to you. I know. I know why. You are not a mistake. We were not a mistake. I will do everything to prove that to you. 

Still

After everything, all that has happened, I still think the world of you. I still think you are the most amazing woman on the planet. The most amazing mother. You have the sweetest heart, an incredible mind. I still love you more than anything. What I feel for you will never change. It's my fault you have so much anger and hate. It's my fault. All of it. 

And I am forever sorry for ruining something so amazing and causing you so much pain and doubt. 

The One

There will never be anyone else. 

No one can compare. They never could. 

There's you, then the rest of the world. 

You are my everything. 

I Tried....

....and tried to explain what it felt like with you. It was the most unbelievable feeling. It was spiritual. It was pure. It was complete. Even just holding your hand was electrifying. Holding you in my arms was like holding an angel. The energy I felt was overwhelming. Completely emotional. Completely real. 

And even that can't completely explain. You're the one.