Reasons Pt. 5

"While you must make time to spend together, you also need some time to yourself. Loving and caring for yourself - from reading a favorite book to taking a walk to the store - allows you the chance to clear your mind and miss your spouse. If you are always together, you'll eventually smother one another. Plus, having separate hobbies, interests, or activities, gives you interesting things to discuss with one another once you are together again."

I hated leaving you and going to work. I missed you so much. At first, you missed me too. I remember coming home from work and when I would get close I would text you Kickapoooooo! You would reply yay!!! I loved that. I loved knowing you were excited to see me. The times we would argue or fight, I would leave. Not to abandon you, but to create space, a cool off period to think, so we didn't scream at each other. A time to figure out why we were arguing. It wasn't to make you feel lonely. I hated being away from you. If I knew the damage it was causing, God, if I only knew. 

Reasons Pt. 4

"Your in-laws probably stink. They make your life difficult and your marriage harder than it probably has to be. They are annoying and maybe even a little crazy. We get it. We've all been there. But talking badly about them or complaining about them to your spouse only hurts his or her feelings and does not resolve any issues. Vent to other people - from a therapist to your mom, but keep your spouse out of it. Be kind to your in-laws and when in-law issues come up that you must address with your spouse, remain calm and diplomatic. Period."

Big issue for us. In-laws. At first, things were good. I met your parents, you met mine. I know my parents loved you. They thought you were sweet, wonderful, strong, just a great woman. I'm not sure what your parents thought of me. I hoped they liked me. From what I saw of them in the beginning, they seemed like they cared about you. They would come help when you needed it. They were there for birthdays, inviting us out. Everything seemed normal. Then you told me your experiences. I was disgusted about the things you would say. I believed you. You wouldn't lie about things like that. I made the mistake, as said earlier, of thinking they cared. That's why I went to them for help. And like I said earlier, huge mistake. As time went on and other issues(sister) arose, I saw their true colors, all the things you told me, I saw. 

My parents. I made the mistake of not being open with them. They care about us. The care about the kids. Yes, they should have called you more to see how you were doing. They should have been more active in our lives, not just calling me, but trying to keep in touch with you too. They should have showed you more what you mean to them. They believed in us enough to help us buy a house. I'm sorry they didn't show you enough how much having you as a part of family meant to them. 

Reasons Pt. 3

"Few situations erode a marriage quite like infidelity or cheating. There's a simple solution. Only marry someone if you plan to be faithful forever. Then, be faithful. Don't cheat. Don't lie about relationships with other people. If somewhere down the road, you want to develop a relationship, kiss, or just have sex with someone other than your spouse, then be honest, tell your spouse before you do anything, and leave the marriage before you cheat. Cheating will only lead to mistrust, arguments, and an uphill battle to winning your marriage back. There's a good chance you won't win your marriage back and it will simply end because of your cheating. You'll have no one to blame but yourself."

This is one thing you never had to worry about with me. There was no way I would ever think of being with anyone else but you. You were everything I could ever hope for. You were the one. I did make the mistake of going to others when we had problems. I know you think it was some kind of relationship. It wasn't. Obviously. There were no feelings, I was looking for solutions, answers, trying to find a way to help us. No matter the intentions, it was wrong. All I needed was you. 

Reasons Pt. 2

"Money is a big trigger for fights in marriages. But you'll probably find that if you have money - enough to pay bills, have a little fun, and live reasonably well - you'll probably fight less. When one of you wants to overspend, especially with money you don't have, or gets into debt that you can't pay off, then you'll start to argue big time. Making money, which means bringing in revenue and not just spending like crazy, will go a long way to help you and your spouse stop the money fights."

We both always worried about money. I know you did a lot. So did I. No, we weren't rich. We struggled. But we always seemed to have enough to take care of things. We didn't have the best of everything, but we had the things we needed. We would have our arguments over money, but things would work out. We would find a way. I would always try and calm you down when it was an issue. You would say we were poor. We weren't. We had so much to be thankful for, and that's not being poor. 

Reasons Pt. 1

"When you're dating, you literally schedule fun time with one another (until and unless you move in together). Fun should not just stop because you got married. In fact, the fun should increase. There are no excuses. Now, you're together all the time, so you should be able to have more moments of spontaneity, as well as scheduled fun. Have date nights, make nights at home special with candlelit dinners or movies and popcorn, and simply relish in each other's arms."

We would do that. We would plan things to do together that we enjoyed. Going to the zoo. Watching tv together. Dinner dates. Photography. Watching baseball. Cuddle time. Our vacation together. We made time to spend together. Having a baby puts a strain on all of that. I understood things would change, we would lose that "us" time we had. The fact that he was, and isn't, the greatest sleeper also hurt us. We couldn't do those things that we used to anymore. There was always the worry of him falling asleep on the way home if we went and did things we used to do, then not sleeping at all at night. I tried to come up with ideas of things we could do to continue the fun we would have, and you did too, but it was difficult. 

I Promised You

Ask yourself. Why are you so upset with me? Is it because I didn't go? Is it because I thought about going? You got upset when I told you I was. You got upset when I decided it wasn't the right thing to do. The only reason I considered going was because you were upset with me and told me you didn't want to see me anymore and you weren't really talking to me. The reason I chose to stay is because of the promise I made to you. No more lies. No more walking out. Always being here for you and the kids. I wasn't wanting pity or for you to feel sorry for me. Why would you feel sorry for me? And you letting me come by yesterday, when you didn't have to, meant a lot to me. Because, yes, you are a nice person, you are a people pleaser. I've always told you that. You have a heart of gold. You try so hard to help people, and a lot of the time you get walked on. I wasn't doing that. I'm not going to take advantage of your kindness. All I want to do is show you that the kindness you show to me is greatly appreciated and all I want to do is the same for you. That's why I stayed. Leaving would have broken a promise I made to you. I told you I would be here for you and the kids. I wouldn't be able to do those things halfway around the world. I kept my promise. I didn't think it would upset you so much. I made the right decision. I chose you. I chose the kids. I chose my word to you. And by making that choice, not lying to you and keeping my promise, I have upset you again. 

The Right Decision

I don't understand why you are so upset. I didn't lie to you. I was being completely honest. I thought by doing this, it would give you the space away from me that you wanted. It was an opportunity. But, the things you talked to me about, about our son, really weighed on my mind. The promise I made to you. That I would always be there for you and the kids. How could I do that so far away. Sitting in that seat, so close to leaving, I made a decision. I was not going to run away. I was not going to break another promise to you. Leaving would have. I thought I made the right choice. When you asked if I would still do all these things for you if you were seeing someone else, the thought of it is crippling, but it is inevitable. You are a wonderful, amazing and beautiful woman. I will always be here for you, like I promised I would be. Sometimes, events cause us to make drastic decisions, some of which aren't right. I feel I made the correct decision. I stayed. Because I made a promise. Sometimes new isn't always better, it's just different. Keeping your word, not quitting, those are the right things to do. That's what I did. I hope you will see why I decided to stay. I hope you will see what you and the kids mean to me. You mean staying, fighting, not quitting to me. No lies, no broken promises. I gave you my word, I intend to keep it.